Monday, July 9, 2018

Federal Prison Uniforms May Pose a Security Risk

July 9, 2018
By Jeramee Sikorski, staff satire writer

Federal Prison Uniforms May Pose a Security Risk

     The Federal Bureau 0f Prisons (BoP) quietly announced that it is reviewing inmate uniform for security risks.  The BoP has been presented with photographic evidence that the current uniforms may pose a security risk concerning some prisoners that they expect to enter the system soon.

Due to the sensitivity of some readers, we had to censor this photo.
See below for picture

     “We originally selected the standard color for prisoner uniforms because it doesn't appear in nature.  So, if a prisoner escapes, they are much easier to find in that color if they run into the woods.  After seeing this picture, though, it’s plain that we need to rethink this color choice,” said Richard Grabber, a spokesperson for the BoP.

     The photo shown below is blurred because it may be offensive to easily triggered persons. (Click to uncover the picture.)

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     “For now,” Grabber added, we are reviewing all of our protocols to ensure safety and security for certain people that we expect to be coming into the system soon.  For example, laundry duty may have to be restricted as a prison job for some inmates.  We routinely dispose of trash bins full of unusable scrubs, which would make perfect camouflage for these potential inmates to escape.  We expect to have our security review done in the next few weeks so we can make the needed changes before these inmates enter the system.”

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